A few late-night thoughts

Lately I have been involved in yet another cyclic series of online arguments. This time they do their research, too! In fact, they've visited my humble blog and even quoted it in their amusing barbs against me (in fact, they're probably reading this even now--Hello, XGWers! Thanks for visiting!). I'm always amazed, though I couldn't really care less, at the outright meanness of it all. I mean, people are just uncivil sometimes (I admit I can be not very nice myself, though I try to be). Anyway, this time it's been the same thing that I've seen time and again, with slight variations; for instance, this time my initial post was sincerely and honestly 100% polite and well-intentioned, though it probably wasn't taken that way. I usually avoid these sort of things, because these people are nearly impossible to reason with, and I'm also generally outnumbered, and like I said, it's cyclic and redundant and often goes nowhere. I don't usually mind, because I'm fairly resilient and quite immovable in my beliefs, and most of the time it's somewhat bewildering, but mostly amusingly baffling. In the past, I became defensive and personal, allowed myself to become upset and offended, and felt very unhappy and bothered. This time I was upbeat and mostly smiling, just bemused at the acidic responses and personal barbs. It was kind of interesting how unfazed I was. In the end I decided to have my final say and bow out, because the whole conversation turned so many corners and hit so many walls, it was pointless to proceed, as is often the case. The funniest part is that if my life went a certain unfathomable direction, these same people who apparently hate my guts would change their tune completely and kiss my feet with sickening sycophancy, and would become my best friends. Who needs friends like that?

People are so afraid of another point of view. Well, strike that. People are so afraid of certain points of view. There are actually a lot of popular perspectives these days, but the ones that really matter are sometimes just not well-received. The interesting thing about these sort of arguments is that my very existence threatens the entire worldview of certain persons (always with them telling me who I "really" am, how I'm "confused" and how my life and direction has been decided for me by my family or parents--isn't it possible that I walked my path and found myself on my own?). I read Mom's latest blog post tonight and found it surprisingly apropos. Sometimes we think we can't (or think we don't need to) do something when really we just don't want to. And then when we meet someone who HAS done what we are so against doing, it totally goes against our natural desire to be validated, even though validation is unnecessary if you have a proper perspective. Why is it so hard to allow another perspective? Heaven knows the world is having its say. It seems only right that there should be a little balance. Then again, I think it was C. S. Lewis that said (paraphrase), "There are very many points of view until you find the truth. Then there is only one."

Anyway, yes, I have a book that's almost ready for publishing. And yes, it IS going to be published. And yes, it is going to help people--it already has. My story is common and unusual, and for that reason I feel it's worth telling. And yes, I am willing and ready to stand up as a public example of this. I don't feel remotely like a martyr, and I CERTAINLY don't feel like a victim (Good heavens, some of the people I've spoken to in the past... you might as well paint a big old 'V' on their shirt front). I feel like someone who has a right to exist and to tell a story.

I really look forward to meeting my Maker. I think it will be such a wonderful feeling. And I'm so grateful for the knowledge we have of Him, His laws, His love and His plan for us.

I know who I am and I am happy. Some people try to decide for me (incomprehensibly) that I'm not, but check it out--I'm a son of God. In a way, thanks to my online opponents, more than ever I'm not confused in the least. What could make me happier?